Static in your hair? Not for long…

August 9th, 2011

Fancy people will tell you to use extra conditioner or hair products to tame your hair. I say bullshit.  If your hair is flying all around, rub some lotion in your hands until it’s almost all absorbed, then pat your hair with your hands.   Obvi, if you use too much, it’ll make your hair look greasy and nasty, so if that’s NOT the look you’re going for, control yourself. 

If your hair is statically clinging to your face, rub a little lotion in your hands and line your face with it (lightly, I’m not saying you should have a visible outline).  This should keep the hair from sticking to your face (unless you didn’t read the above parenthetical).  Either way, your static is officially gone.

*Super Ghetto Option: Line your face with chap-stick instead of lotion. Totally works.

Lost your wine cork?

August 3rd, 2011

Hey, all you wine-os out there.  If you open wine bottles and then immediately lose the cork like I do, have no fear:  I’ve got the solution.  First of all, this had better be your second bottle. If it’s your first, just finish the damn thing.  However, if it’s #2 and you’re ready to call it a night, take a piece of tin-foil, approximately 4”x6”, crumple it up into a cork shape and jam the bottom half into the bottle.  Take the top half and mash it down so it officially covers the entire opening. Now go to bed and rest assured that tomorrow night, that shitty bottle of wine will taste just as good tomorrow as it did today, thanks to me.

FEAR NOT: Site is just under construction. Please read!!!

September 28th, 2010

Believe it or not an actual web-designer is currently working on re-vamping The Dive Lifestyle.  Don’t worry: it will remain as divey as ever.  HOWEVER, expect a lack of posts until the site is up and running.  The true launch of the site is around the corner.

In the meantime…

Current focus = stock piling a shitload of divey ideas to shock and awe with when the site is ready.  PLEASE SUBMIT any ideas you have to  Also, mention whether you’d like credit for the suggestion or prefer to remain anonymous.

Peace bitches, and thanks for reading.

Do you want the pleasure of a semi-fresh cup of coffee without the hassle of brewing any?

September 24th, 2010

If you have left-over coffee in the pot from yesterday, just microwave it.  It’s only a little bit nasty, and you can re-heat that shit for a good three days before any mold starts to grow.  It’s WAY better than having to do all those unnecessary steps required for brewing a new pot and, obviously, leaving your house to buy a cup is crazy talk.

Forgot/Broke/Lost Sunglasses

September 22nd, 2010

If you forgot/ broke/ lost your sunglasses, yet find yourself in a situation that requires them, use the pair you always have with you: your hands.  BUT instead of using your hands as a visor, pretend you were miming glasses.  Put your hands by your eyes and touch the tip of your index finger to your thumb to surround your eye.  The thumb underneath your eye is key so that you block all refractory sun rays bouncing off the sidewalk or whatever surface you’re walking on.

For better periphery vision, only use your thumb, index and middle fingers.  If you’re fluent in steering your car with your knee, which in and of itself is not necessarily recommended, this technique can even be used while driving.

Dying your hair and want to avoid dying your face?

September 20th, 2010

You know how whenever you dye your hair, you get a bunch of dye around the edges of your face? To avoid that, line your face (around your hairline) with oil. You can use, baby oil, vegetable oil, olive oil, whatever. Vaseline will work too.

*Super-Ghetto Option: Use Crisco.

Need to keep your zipper from opening on your jeans (when you don’t want it to)?

September 16th, 2010

This shit is easy.  Take a rubber-band and squeeze it so it’s an elongated oval.  Unbutton your pants.  Take one of the ends of the oval and put it through the hole in your zipper, pulling the rubber-band half way through (the larger hole toward the base of the zipper works better).   Take both loops (ends) of the rubber-band and wrap them around the button on your pants.  If the rubber-band is too loose, wrap the ends around the button several times.

The best part about this is it’s not even a pain in the ass to un-zip your pants when you have to.  Just un-button them and pull the sides.  The rubber-band will stay in place around the button. In fact, the pull of the rubber-band makes it even easier to re-zip your pants, making you have to exert less effort.

No clean underwear?

September 14th, 2010

Step one is obvious: Turn your current pair inside out. You’ve just bought yourself another day.

Step two is for ladies only: Take a lightdays pad (they have SO many uses) and use it like you need it. You’ve just created a totally clean surface area. If the next day comes and you still haven’t done any laundry (or bought new underwear to avoid doing laundry), turn the underwear inside out again (or use a different ‘previously worn’ pair) and use another lightdays pad. A gynecologist would likely argue against this technique, but if that doesn’t faze you, depending on your level of nastiness, this could buy you any number of days.

Need to clean some fancy jewelry?

September 10th, 2010

Instead of getting crazy and going to a professional, try using an old toothbrush and toothpaste.  Load your brush with a minimal amount of toothpaste and scrub your jewelry gorgeous.  I actually think a jeweler taught me this one.

*Super-Ghetto Option: Use your current toothbrush.

Need a mirror?

September 9th, 2010

If you need to put on make-up, or check to see if there’s anything in your teeth but don’t have a mirror (or don’t feel like walking to the bathroom), use the back of a c.d. Even if the c.d. itself is too scratched or dull to provide a legit reflection, usually the inner most circle on the back of the c.d., right around the hole (no sexiness intended) is highly reflective.